blog inspiration: C 022006

c: hi!
y: hi! nasa office ka po ba?
c: nasa bahay. absent po ako.
y: so, how are you?
c: i'm better.
y: good!
....
y: anyway, ayan ka na naman... nadi-depress ka na naman ba?
c: nope. i'm happy. i think my yoga is working. i'm so over na kung anuman yung problema ko na d ko masabi.....
y: oh, you're happy. that's very nice to hear. kaya lang negative ka pa rin. doesn't yoga promote positive thinking or you know looking life in a better perspective?
c: i just don't like financials lang talaga. mahina kasi ako dun.
c: i'm good in psychology and philosophy kasi.
c: i'd rather think about life than numbers.
c: nerd?
y: then why not take it as a challenge? are you not up to challenges anymore? or is it not one of the challenges that you'd like to have?
c: not interesting for me.
y: so, you are good in philo and psycho. can you psyche me now?
y: i'm a philo maniac. so, i philosophize on everything i see, hear or do. doesn't that sound pathetic?
c: not really good. but i like talking about it
y: but even if i look at numbers i relate it to life. i'm not just saying that because i took up accounting as my major. i'm saying it because accounting is not about exact science. it's art. it's not just numbers.
y: it's more like psychology. you analyze facts. parang when you analyze a person or how you see life, ganun sya. paano ba ang nangyari? how did it happen? ano yung logic bakit sya nangyari.
c: nope. d ko pa rin type.
c: okay but i'm still not interested.
y: hahahaha! you are negating it that's why you will never like it. di ba sabi ng logic, if you take anything as negative, how it is presented to you, you will take it negatively. so, let's not talk about it. let's talk about what you think would be best for you?
y: =)) (laughter)
c: i'm considering a lot of options. gusto ko lang masiguro before i make any decision.
y: sobra kang magpatawa.. so, ano'ng ginawa mo maghapon? kelan ka pa nga pala may sakit? siguro nakipag-date ka kaya ka nagkasakit ano?
c: hahaha! i talked to *. that's what i did. * was a bit pissed off kanina.
y: so, you have a lot of options. nai-drawing mo na ba ang pros and cons ng options mo? why was * pissed off?....
c: i think there are no cons
.....
y: hahaha! sigurado ka ha? isn't it that we should always look at things both ways?
y: ah... e ano yung sabi mong "that's what i did"?
c: i think the only con thing is that nobody believes me.
c: ano?
y: ikaw yung kausap ni * ?
c: am pm
y: who are those that do not believe you? even if there are, should that matter?
c: nope.
y: ah... i see. so, tama pala ang guess ko..
y: o, yun naman pala e. why take it as a consequence?
y: sabi ko, tama yung hula ....
c: ah, okay.
y: teka, teka lang... naguguluhan ka na yata sa kin...
c: bakit mo naman nasabi na ako?
c: oo nga. halu-halo na yung pinag-uusapan natin
y: sabi mo nope. i took it as your reply to my question that it shouldn'nt matter whether anyone believes in you or don't. so i said, then why take it as a consequence... so, let's not talk halu-halo na lang.. let's not talk about * .... let's talk about you.
y: magulo ba talaga akong kausap. sabi ko nga.. anyway...
c: it doesn't really matter.
c: talagang pinag-iisipan ko lang nang mabuti.
c: ayokong magkamali
y: nasabi ko na ...., i just knew. anything wrong with it...?
c: lifetime decision na to.
c: nope. i just wondered how you guessed it. it doesn't matter really.
y: wow! heavy. lifetime is parang tinutuldukan mo na whatever it is you're thinking of taking.
c: i think it's a decision that's going to affect so many - people, things, etc.
y: i told you before pa. malakas ang hunch ko.... i am weird...
c: are we talking about the "guessing" thing?
y: ah...! hmmm... well, will it make you happy? will it answer all your questions?
c: ang alin?
y: everything... all of what we're talking about and not talking about (sensing you)...
c: huh?
y: hahaha! magulo talaga akong kausap. the "guessing thing" - malakas ang hunch ko... ; "i think it's going to affect so many..." will it make you happy? will it answer all your questions? will you not seek anymore, if you're going to take whatever it is that you're thinking of taking?
c: i hope. i think so. i hope not.
c: malinaw ba?
y: why just hope? you're done thinking (as i take it you are). if you've really weighed both sides of the decision that you're going to make, then the positve ones should have ruled out the negative ones. so, it would mean that the positive and negative side of it are just almost equal. is that why you're just hoping?
c: how can one really say that "this thing is going to make me happy"? most especially if you are still just thinking about it?
y: alam mo kasi, i've been through a lot . and i guess, what made me just take life as it is now is by accepting the fact that there are just things that i cannot change, i cannot take and have. so, what i'd like to tell you is, you should be really happy with whatever decisions that you make never mind who's going to get hurt or get stepped-in the way, as long as you think it's right for you and the decision will really welcome you - open arms.
y: life is a risk __. and the only reason i am accepting what i have today, is i dont want to take risks. so i cannot demand from Him or anyone else that i should be happy because this is how i chose to be. just a drifter. that's why i really look up to people who do take risks. so, if you decide that a certain thing or person will make you happy, it will you happy
y: it's just a matter of acceptance. and you are the only one who can say that you are happy or not.
y: kahit na ang tingin sa 'yo ng tao ay mahirap pa sa daga o miserable ang buhay mo, no one can ever know how you feel exactly. di ba?
y: may sense ba yung sinasabi ko?
c: it's really difficult to say that what i consider doing with my life is going to make me happy. thinking about it makes me happy that's why i really hope that it will. i will make sure that it will. in all the decisions that i make, i really prepare myself for the consequences. and i never escape or run away from them. kahit ano pang mangyari.
c: sige, __. i have to go na. gagamitin na ni erpat ang phone. nice talking to you.
c: next time na lang po ulit.
c: bye. god bless.:)
y: that's the spirit. even if you fail, w/c i hope you won't, at least you're taking risks & that's what life is all about. taking risks. at least you won't have to deal with thoughts of might have beens & what ifs. yes. life is difficult. but you just take what you can out of it. then, it will be easier to live - life that is. anyway, don't worry. life's not always sweet you see. mahirap naman yung monotonous na buhay. di mo matitikman ang sarap if puro bland lang ang lasa ng kinakain mo di ba? anyway, what keeps us - human - living is the thought that someone else is beside us. (that's the only thing that keeps me going at least - family and friends) so, whatever road you lead, there's your family. & i'll be here. corny pero true. i'll be here. take it or not. so, i'll watch you bloom into a beautiful butterfly. i'll just be beside you.
y: i am very insecure on how my friends take me. it's probably a sin if i don't initiate to call or say hello but it doesn't mean i cease hoping that every call i got, one of them is a friend. i hope you can see me as i see you - a friend
y: Be well. God bless too! and take care always.